Sisters-it seems almost everyone has at least one, maybe a biological sister, a sister in law, or just a very close friend who is just like a sister. We grew up idolizing her, we grew up stealing her clothes and her CD's. She was the one person you felt you could tell your secrets too and she never judged you. I have 3 sisters. One biological, one sister in law, and a best friend I don’t call my best friend, because her and I have no boundaries. That is the defining role as a sister; there are no boundaries between you. You never feel like you need to hold back because no matter what, she will always love you, and always be there for you and vice versa. I find most friends with sisters say the same thing, I love my sister, but I can’t handle her for very long periods of time. Then I have some friends (mostly twins) who love there sisters and can spend every waking moment beside them.
As many of you can relate to this, my biological sister and I are not close anymore, there was a time when I worshiped the ground she walked on. This is not the case. My sister and I have the kind of relationship that novels are made of. We fight, 4 months later we make up, then a year goes by and we fight some more, then another 6 months we make up again. And from what I am told, this is a very normal “sister thing” to do. At the end of the day, I still love her, but the feelings I have towards her are not pretty, and I wonder, does that make me a bad person? My parents always told me, that they had 3 children so we could all have each other, my poor brother has been in the middle of this “sister thing” for so long, how he stays out of the drama is beyond me! But it doesn't seem like we have each other, it seems like I’m alone. It seems like I have a family, but no one to call a sister.
I know what I want out of my relationships with my sisters, I want them to call me up and invite me to hang out, go to movie or be invited for a dinner. I want to cherish the moments we have, and I want our children to grow up best friends, always having each other to lean on no matter what the situation. It hurts to think that my child misses out on her cousin’s big moments, whether that is a soccer game, a dance recital, or just a BBQ with the family. Sisters are supposed to do important things together; it’s supposed to be a lifelong commitment. So why is this a struggle for me to find when I have 3 of them?
Maybe it’s me?
Maybe I can't find the bond I’m looking for because I’m not putting what I want on the table, and I’m giving the wrong impression. Since I have grown up (yes I HAVE grown up) I find myself searching for a bond with my sisters more than I ever did before. Why? Maybe it’s because I have a family now, maybe it’s because the relationship I expected to have with all my sisters isn't what I am actually getting. Or because I have grown up and I realize how important it is to have a sister to lean on, or the need to have another "mother" for my daughter. I believe it’s all of those things. But what I can't seem to grasp is why I can't find this? I have such great relationships with my friends, with my co-workers, my in-laws and mostly everyone around me, so what’s the problem here?
I’m starting to think its boundaries, sisters have none, but friends and other family members do. It’s the opinions you give when they ask for advice, or when you just give an opinion because of the lack of boundaries. I find with all my sisters I don’t hold back, I just be who I am, and vice versa. Sisters tell you the truth, even if it’s mean, even if it hurts. And like in my situation, some sisters can turn on you when you are weak; Due to the lack of boundaries within your relationship. So do you set boundaries within and change the bond you have? Or do you just deal with what you have and hope better for the future?
What have I learned? Well, I have learned that you need to work for what you want; I need to make it more obvious that I love my sisters, and most importantly, that I need them; that I want to be there for those moments that I have been missing all the time. I need to tell them that I am so sorry for not putting it on the table sooner, and I need to let them accept me.
My advice to others with sisters-Remind them of how much you appreciate spending time with them, let them know you are always there for them and expect the same in return. Love their children even if you don’t like their mothers at the time. Learn to forgive, and learn to move on. Learn to understand the bond you currently have, and make the most out of it. Sisters don’t come and go like friends, it’s a lifelong commitment that takes work, love, and most importantly forgiveness on BOTH parties.
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